Coping With Your Divorce – 3 Things You Will Probably Prefer to Avoid
Coping with your divorce can seem like a lonely and over whelming experience and sadly this challenging experience seems to be on the increase in today’s society and our children are not finding having two parents that are living in two different houses to be such an isolating experience.
Most people today turn to the World Wide Web when they seek out divorce support and there is no doubt that this is how you found this article. If you are looking for help or support and wanting to avoid depression and pain, or need advise is how to help your children through and move on yourself then the following will be of benefit to you.
In this article we will focus on “Pain Avoidance” and discuss the three points you may want to be most careful to avoid.
For clarity here, there are some things that you need to know. You should know that you are not alone in the emotional roller coaster you are going through and that it is perfectly normal to have irrational thoughts and feelings at this time because it is part of our flight or fight response to keep our lives on track.
You might also want to know about such aspects as understanding about self esteem, how coping with divorce will affect your children and why it is so important to look after yourself.
So what is to avoid here?
When going through divorce process, planning ahead will ensure you will be coping with your divorce as best you can. There is going to be emotional pain, probably financial worry too but hopefully the outcome of your planning will provide you with the ability to move forward to a happier and more fulfilled life.
Here are three things to carefully consider and avoid:
First of all: Blaming yourself for the marriage breakdown. The reason for this is; just as it took two people to develop the happy relationship at the outset, it takes two people to nurture and keep the love and friendship alive. We are stereotyped into what roles we play within a marriage and out of necessity sometimes we move apart. But if one partner has been cheating or not paying enough attention then it can lead to a breakdown of trust and security. A lack of effort on either side or no communication can easily destroy the relationship and make you forget the reasons it was so good at the outset.
Second: Letting yourself go. While trying to survive the divorce process it is easy to forget meal times and you may let your diet or appearance slip. Why is that? Probably because your appetite has gone down the pan and, seriously, you probably feel what’s the point trying to make an effort when your world is turning upside down? Well let me explain how wrong this is! It’s all too easy to get caught up in your problems right now but life has to go on. A good diet, regular exercise and pride in your appearance are what you need to help yourself. What’s more, a logical and rational mind lives in a healthy, happy body! Make changes for the better and keep yourself busy and focussed.
Third and lastly: Your children are going to need some help. The reason for that is, to put it simply, sheer confusion! Their stability is being threatened – someone is leaving and how do they know the other person won’t too? They may feel the divorce is their fault, they may think they wont be loved anymore, they may imagine a move of house, a change of school, new friends, and new step-parents. You can see why their fears are so huge!
Keep on doing positive things and avoid those you know to be negative. Remember in the depth of your pain as a couple that breaking the bonds can be a positive move to a happier, more fulfilling future for you all but there is no doubt you will need support and understanding at the outset whilst coping with your divorce!